On 7 months ago
consummateashu
1 day
whereabouts
1 day
johnlance
5 days
ramblinworker
2 weeks
nishrinnet
3 weeks
payback911
2 months
Catidogi
2 months
bumpedoff3
2 months
Slywoody3
3 months
daretodream101
11 months
Comment written 1 years ago
I wanted some great idiotic moment like in Blue Velvet when Kyle MacClachlan's character says "That's for me to know and you to find out".
"Claire, today seems like the perfect day to turn into a complete and total idiot!"--You built up the sense of drama towards actually going in the truck with this apparently weird guy, but then you backed out. I imagine every reader wanted to be taken somewhere they'd never been. It all depends where you want to go with your writing, but the way you portrayed the kerb crawler was so good I really wanted you to carry on in control, and find out about this man. Very skillful stuff.. [THUMBUP]
Comment written 1 years ago
Comment written 1 years ago
Comment written 1 years ago
Comment written 1 years ago
Comment written 1 years ago
Comment written 1 years ago
Comment written 1 years ago
"Mind is without expression
All facts are buried"
You don't need "In suppression" because you already said "buried." "All facts are buried" full stop.
"Sun" shouldn't have a leading capital.
"Only to make a wishful return." is weak. What is returning? The sun's rays reflected back at the sun. And it is repeated.
But very good.
[THUMBUP][THUMBUP]
Comment written 1 years ago
Comment written 1 years ago